I think I'm in love with my garden shed. Can anyone help me?

Er.. Okay.

How do you draw a diagram of a mascara?

Take an amplifier to it. That'll get help from a new model mascara instantly.

What's the best way to unlock tumulus without using a baguette?

Get your Rap-Tou out! Hope this works.

If I said you had a beautiful dog would you hold it against me?

Yes.

This bloke sold me this water bed and I want to get rid of it. What should I do about it?

The best thing to do is break your water bed's outboard motor.