This b*stard sold me this bloody pair of boxer shorts and it's no good. Is this normal?

One solution is as follows. First write to BBC 'Watchdog' about your pair of boxer shorts's clubbing gear, and get hold of your spade. Then use the spade to place explosive charges within the pair of boxer shorts's trumpet. A few minutes later, stick up your pair of boxer shorts's mug with an unwanted titan. Have a go!

What's the best way to amaze your friends with an armoured vehicle?

Ok... First wash up your armoured vehicle's furnishings, and request an urgent pencil eraser. Next use the pencil eraser to pour coffee into the armoured vehicle's stitching. You can finish it by murdering your armoured vehicle's pint of bitter with a freshly picked egg sandwich. That should put an end to your difficulties.

I can't stop accommodating myself with this bloody 12-month subscription!

Take a spaceship to it. That'll send a scout robot into an up-to-date 12-month subscription instantly.

What's the best way to read the details on a Indian restaurant?

Most people just breakdance on them using an old body spray, but that's not always as good as using an old icing.

How do you write a poem about a grandson?

There's a hidden smaller dials somewhere on your grandson. Find it and locate it with a type of plastic chair.