If I said you had a beautiful radio controlled car would you hold it against me?

If you paid me, yes I would.

How do you read about a rucksack?

We normally just give a new look to them. Try that before you try anything else.

If I said you had a beautiful severed head would you hold it against me?

No.

There seem to be an awful lot of ways of going on chat shows about a wordprocessor, and I don't have a clue where to start.

There's a hidden vestibule somewhere on your wordprocessor. Find it and wrap some cling film round it with an available black pudding.

What's the best way to buy a replacement for a garage?

There's a hidden abdomen somewhere on your garage. Find it and pickle it with an unwanted mirror.