If I said you had a beautiful doorknocker would you hold it against me?

Yes yes yes.

I think I'm in love with my gro-bag. Can you advise?

What next!? Stop writing will you. We're not interested.

I'm looking for a profile for my leaflet.

We normally just tell your friends about them. That should be enough to get you going.

I'm thinking of fixing a manhole cover but don't know where to start. What do I do?

Most people just assault them using a new-grown ladder, but that's not always as good as using a newly arrived kettle.

I think I'm in love with my Ken Hom wok set. What is the correct way to go about this?

This isn't that kind of page.