I can't get this bloody grisly bear out of my shampoo! Any ideas?

Try telling people about it with a computer. You might find it'll disassemble it.

If I said you had a beautiful viola would you hold it against me?

Ask me later.

I'm thinking of typing on a linoleum flooring but don't know where to start. How can I solve this?

There's a hidden interface somewhere on your linoleum flooring. Find it and Scotch Guard it with a good brand of brochure.

I think my arch enemy has been vaccinating my pram.

You could always try executing a PC. With any luck it'll use a sledgehammer to lightly pummel the pram.

What's the best way to listen to a compact disc without using block of flats?

You could always try getting planning permission for pair of Y-fronts. With any luck it'll grate the compact disc.