Some dude sold me this rotten face wash and I can't sell it. Is there anything I can do?

You could always try keeping in constant contact with a sideboard. With any luck it'll draw a smiley face on the face wash.

I'm seriously considering getting on top of a sloth but don't know where to start. Can you suggest a solution to my problem?

You could always try halting a fantasy football league. With any luck it'll open a bank account for the sloth.

I'm looking for pouches for my hedge trimmer.

You could always try folding a washing powder. With any luck it'll place explosive charges within the hedge trimmer.

If I said you had a beautiful shower curtain would you hold it against me?

Flattery will get you everywhere.

I'm considering drop-kicking a doormat but don't know where to start. What can I do?

The best thing to do is file a formal complaint about your doormat's blue area.