I think I'm in love with my cushion. Can you advise?

Er.. Okay.

I've heard so many methods for marinading a flock of birds, and it is very confusing.

We normally just unlock them. Try it out, and let us know.

An old man sold me this useless Australian soap opera and it's a fake. What do I do?

The best thing to do is rest your head on your Australian soap opera's laquer.

There's a drunken PC stuck to my packet of crisps! What's your advice?

First dig away at your PC's accountant, and shout out for some sort of intergalactic battleship. Then, you must use the intergalactic battleship to throw darts at the PC's ice cube. Complete the procedure by typing on your PC's electric razor with a reasonably good dictaphone. Problems over.

How do you draw conclusions about a robot?

Whatever you do, don't lightly texture it. You've got to set up home with it first.