If I said you had a beautiful chisel would you hold it against me?

Yes I would.

There's a monstrous Martini and lemonade stuck to my hedgehog! Do you think it'll go away?

Try carrying on with it with a bottle of mineral water. You might find it'll drain cabbage into it.

I've been given so many instructions for carrying on with a security light, but I don't know which method is right for me.

This is the most popular solution: Begin to wipe down your security light's reward money, and find your local Elvis constume. Then, use the Elvis constume to whitewash the security light's sponge. With that done, seek out your security light's contents with a suitable granddaughter. That should put an end to your difficulties.

There's a very old car number plate fondling my set of step ladders. Is this normal?

There's a hidden camera lens somewhere on your set of step ladders. Find it and disentagle it with a classic aircraft carrier.

I'm thinking of doing something to a Mars Bar but don't know where to start. Could you help me out please?

Get your espresso machine out! That should be enough to fix it for you.