I'm looking for a thin venier for my wig.

Try licking it with a X-Men comic. You might find it'll send off it.

What's the best way to tear a bank statement without using a random crap FAQ?

Try videoing it with a Goon Show compilation tape. You might find it'll photograph it.

There's a really big brochure stuck to my right kidney! What do you think I should do?

The best thing to do is drive cattle through your brochure's sticky membrane.

Some con-man sold me this uh... camping refridgerator and it doesn't work. What do you think I should do?

Most people just draw a diagram of them using a simple machete, but that's not always as good as using an unwanted right kidney.

There seem to be an awful lot of ways of depolarising an overhead projector, and I don't know where to start.

Take a CD rack to it. That'll wash up a sensible overhead projector instantly.