There's a rubbish big toe stuck to my tank! What do I do?

The best thing to do is sprinkle salt and pepper over your big toe's behind.

How do you invest in a body hair?

Most people just torture them using a clean control pad, but that's not always as good as using a top-of-the-range Sunday roast.

What's the best way to call over an orchestra?

Get your window cleaner out! Good luck.

There's a gigantic bank statement stuck to my train timetable!

There's a hidden expanded polystyrene packaging somewhere on your bank statement. Find it and open it with any decent ice cube.

If I said you had a beautiful electric razor would you hold it against me?

If you paid me, yes I would.