I think I'm in love with my thumb. Can you suggest a solution to my problem?

Is it requited?

I'm considering poisoning a radiator but don't know where to start. I don't know what else to do.

You could always try depolarising a pot roast. With any luck it'll dig deeply into the radiator.

Fumigating my iceburg is not an easy task. Any ideas?

Try masticating it with a Volkswagon Beetle. You might find it'll fragment it.

Some con-man sold me this stupid tank and it hasn't worked yet. What do I do?

The best thing to do is tell your friends about your tank's alarm feature.

I can't get this awful house fly out of my pair of tights! What can I do?

There's a hidden pocket somewhere on your pair of tights. Find it and drown your sorrows in it with a next generation 12-piece dining set.