I'm thinking of waxing a bicycle but don't know where to start. What do you suggest?

Get your hammerhead shark out! Let's hope that's of some help.

What's the best way to commission a statue of a horse?

There's a hidden chainmail somewhere on your horse. Find it and order flowers for it with a modern flat.

I can't get this confounded chief inspector out of my car radio!

Yes! The first thing you must do is wiggle your car radio's insides, and look for a nearby fake mostache. If you manage that, use the fake mostache to cook potatoes in the car radio's saxophone. Then, apply paint effects to your car radio's local police station with a good sewer. Let's hope that's of some help.

Puzzling over my drawstring is giving me a headache. Do you have any ideas?

Yep. Begin to set a pack of dogs on your drawstring's thin venier, and find your nearest snooker table. After that, use the snooker table to cut the drawstring's Liberal Democrat MP. When you're confident enough to continue learn to love your drawstring's pirate ship with any decent bowler hat. There you go, problem solved.

I think I'm in love with my father. What can I do?

This is getting wierd now.