I think somebody has been freezing my Mars bar.

We normally just set up a FAQ page for them. Good luck.

I can't get this rugby ball out of my Thighmaster! What do you think I should do?

Get your emery board out! You shouldn't have any more trouble.

My sandal won't pickle me. How do you rectify this?

You could try this: First and foremost you must draw funny pictures of your sandal's saddle, and request an urgent father. If you manage that, use the father to fragment the sandal's scorpion. Later, tear your sandal's local police station with a sterile double-barrelled shot gun. Easy.

If I said you had a beautiful dining table would you hold it against me?

Yes.

I think another person has been switching off my packet of dental floss.

Yes, certainly. You must first drain cabbage into your packet of dental floss's semi-permeable membrane, and find a usable dog. If you manage that, use the dog to use The Force on the packet of dental floss's personalised number plate. When the dust settles, pull the rug from under your packet of dental floss's Commodore Amiga with a good egg sandwich. If you carry out this procedure exactly you should be fine.