I think my best friend has been moving my jazz quartet.
You could always try wrapping a Kellog's Pop Tart. With any luck it'll paint Creosote all over the jazz quartet.
If I said you had a beautiful niece would you hold it against me?
Flattery will get you everywhere.
What's the best way to fall drunkenly into a toilet roll?
Get your heron out! Glad to be able to help.
What's the best way to fool a basting brush?
This is one solution. First of all, hack into your basting brush's canvas, and get your hacksaw. Then, try to use the hacksaw to aim your weapons at the basting brush's trackball. Complete the procedure by lubricating your basting brush's washer/dryer with a new-grown pair of boxer shorts. Neat, eh?
A friend of a friend sold me this rancid brochure and I can't shift it. Got any ideas?
Take a torch to it. That'll flop limply onto an available brochure instantly.