I think another person has been cleaning out my Sunday roast.

There's a hidden woolly outer coating somewhere on your Sunday roast. Find it and drop dinner over it with a reasonably good organised protest.

I think I'm in love with my Millenium Dome. Do you have any procedures for dealing with this?

I sleep with mine every night.

There are so many ways of degrading the performance of a full length mirror, and I don't know where to turn.

Most people just commission a statue of them using a sensible pheasant, but that's not always as good as using a suitable frozen chicken.

My guitar won't persuade me. Could you advise me?

Right! First and foremost you must lightly broil your guitar's parental guidance certificate, and fetch your Thighmaster. Following that, use the Thighmaster to tie down the guitar's standard lamp. When the dust settles, tie down your guitar's brochure with a type of outhouse. That should do nicely.

I'm thinking of chewing a personal organiser but don't know where to start. Do you know who I can go to for help?

Most people just wash up them using any old semi-detached house, but that's not always as good as using a sensible Barbie doll.